I was going to stop. I made the first list, and then I made the second list, and that was going to be all, because I don't like sounding like a customer hating biatch. But then I went to work, and my coworkers were all, "I didn't see this on the list, and this needs to be on the list." And they were right. (Thanks for the input! And thanks for reading!) The things they mentioned are completely worthy of the list. So I promised a part three; you see, this third list is really for my coworkers..... It's not just that I like to flap my fingers on the keyboard and make my opinions known to the world. And so, in collaboration with my coworkers, part three of the list:
- We Are Not A Daycare: Forget something? Need to go back and get it? Well, take the kiddos with you. Don't leave them in the care of the cashier checking your order. (Oh, yeah, happens aaaaall the time.) Do you know daycare workers are supposed to be certified? Well, I don't know about the rest of my coworkers, but I haven't taken any STARS classes (certification classes in WA, if you are not in WA, insert correct certifications here). I don't know CPR either. You kiddo chokes, about all I can do is thump him/her on the back, but even if I did know it, we are not a daycare. Watching your kid is not a part of the job we are paid to do. And really, you are awfully trusting for this day and age. As a cashier, I do not have to pass the type of background check that a daycare worker does; I could be any kind of freak. (I mean, I'm not, but how do you know that if you don't know me?) As a parent: I don't think much of your parenting skills.
- Munchies: Hungry? Have to eat your food before you get to the checkstand? Okay, I get it, food is delicious, but could you stick to eating something that does not have to be weighed? How am I gonna charge you for that product if you're busy digesting it?
- Read The Signs: This is a bad one, and unless you are illiterate, there is no excuse. My work has a no cart zone, because all of the expensive alcohol is in this teeny-tiny area; there is a place to park your carts and signs EVERYWHERE. And still, people bring in carts. If you take out one of those shelves though, you are liable to end up purchasing thousands of dollars worth of spilled liquor. No good to you on the floor, and if I buy liquor I expect to be able to actually drink it (or cook with it, as the case may be) but -- you didn't read the signs, so your liquor is getting sucked up by the mop. The mop is thirsty; the mop thanks you.
- If Your Kid Opens It, Don't Stick It Back On The Shelf: I see this all the time: usually with candy. I get that kids are fast, and the really young ones don't quite understand what they are doing (although some of the older ones do this too, and you aren't going to convince me that they don't know they are doing something wrong). But when your kid opens up a package, I'm sorry, but you need to buy it. We can't sell it now, and it's not like this was an accident. I get that sometimes they are fast and you can't stop them in time; I'm a parent too - I've been there - but you're still gonna have to suck it up and plunk down the cash.
- But Not On A Moving Conveyor Belt!!!: Please, why on earth would you put your money, check, whatever, on a moving conveyor belt. It's gonna get sucked into the crack! Which happens to be a black hole. I had this happen with a WIC check once, and I had my manager, my supervisor, and myself totally taking my whole checkstand apart, and we still couldn't find the dumb thing, and we can't replace that. It's gone. I have never understood why people think placing money on a conveyor belt is a good idea. (Bad!!! Bad!!!!)
- No Fighting In The Store: This is not the local bar, or the set of Jerry Springer. What kind of fool gets in a fight in a grocery store? Stop sniffing the cilantro; it's messing with your head. Or else let me film it and post it on YouTube.
- Don't Put 300 Dollars Worth Of Groceries In Your Cart When You Only Have 50: Yeah, you're optimistic. You're not gonna be able to get all that though, so why waste your time putting it in your cart, and waste mine when I have to put it back? I understand that sometimes people misjudge, and have to take a few things off -- I'm not talking about this. Nor am I talking about the unfortunates who leave their money at home on accident. I'm talking about the people who come to the line with 3 loaded down carts, and then say that they only have a tiny amount of money. You're kidding, right?