Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Take Your Shoes And Shove Them Up Your Ass

Dear Neighbor,
   You gave me the dirtiest look as I stepped out of my apartment today. I was fully dressed. Jeans, not sweatpants; a t-shirt, not a pajama top, which seems to be the fad. The only thing weird was the fact that I was wearing flip flops. Yes, I admit, the temperature outside is 37 degrees; the ground is covered with frost - but not snow. That is valid, there is no snow on the ground. Flip flops may not be most people's choice of shoes in this frosty (but not snowy) weather.
   However, I am not most people. I just don't like shoes. Yes, I own them. Yes, I wear them, but only when required to do so. It's my day off, there is not a required uniform that I must submit to on this day. I am not going hiking, or doing any type of extensive, rigorous walking that would require the use of more supportive shoes. I am just going up the road to the mailbox. It is not so cold that I am going to get frostbite in the five minutes it takes me to get to the complex's mailboxes. And yet, even if it was, that seems like frostbite would be my problem. My shoe issue just seems like it wouldn't affect you at all. Maybe I just don't feel like I need all ten toes. Maybe I can make do with nine. Shit - I've broken them so many times that half of them don't even bend properly in the first place. In fact, part of my issues with enclosed shoes is the fact that my damaged feet, broken, sprained, and strained many times over the course of my 34 years of life, just don't feel comfortable in enclosed shoes. In fact, enclosed shoes can, over extended wearing time, cause my feet actual pain. The other issue is, I was raised Southern country, and I just didn't grow up wearing shoes. I was outside barefoot, with all the poisonous snakes, bugs, and snapping turtles, with bare feet most of my childhood. So I just don't see shoes in the same light that you do. They aren't really necessary.
   Okay, dude, I admit - if the world ends by a new ice age - I am ill-equipped. I will probably die, and I will probably be among the first. But... again, not your problem. More resources for your superior ass. Have fun with that. In the meantime, I'll continue to check my mail, in 37 degree, frost-covered weather, wearing flip flops. If I can listen to your loud-ass TV, then you can deal with my flip flops and wind breaker.
Your shoeless neighbor.