Sunday, January 27, 2013

So Much Anger Is Bad For The Soul

   Yesterday was stressful, and I hate the feeling of stress. Stress rides in my stomach like a stone: heavy and painful. A low burn that feeds into anger, and I don't like feeling so much anger. Anger and myself are a bad mix, and I do and say things that I am not proud of, as witnessed in the previous blog post, were I was calling people worthless. Even though I did and still do have the right to be angry, and even though I will be taking steps to see that these people are punished and pay for the hurt and harm that they have done to me (even though they will likely never be caught, I will still try my best,) I feel that to call someone worthless and useless is to go against my beliefs; every person in this world has value, has potential, and is very much of worth. I gave these people the power to make me say something that I am not proud of and do not believe, and why am I letting someone have that type of power over me?
   The thing that bothers me the most is how badly I felt and how I gave them the power to upset me so much, how angry I got. I spent much of my teenage years in an angry red haze, slipping from anger to depression, then back to anger again. I am not going back to that, ever.
No sun setting on this anger. 
    Not that anger is always a bad thing. Being angry at injustice can incite change, being angry at abuse can cause someone to walk away and find a better life, so anger can be good. And I am certainly far from the touchy-feely, let's hold hands and dance in the moonlight type of person. Really, don't do that with me. But I don't like feeling the way the way that I felt yesterday: like a pot fixing to boil over or a fire cracker fixing to explode. And I'm done with it. Enough of that. Really, why was I letting these people and situations bother me so much?
   Today was a good day. I left all that anger and frustration behind, and spent the day with my sister, helping her to move, and spent time with my niece, nephew, and daughter. I did silly things liked rejoiced over my new coffee pot and watched some anime with my sis, ate pot roast and worked on getting my own new apartment organized: little things that make life a wonderful thing. I'm sure that identity thieves and intolerant, rude people and all the things that I don't like will bother me again, but I will try to deal with each new situation as they arise and not carry the stress over to each new thing, letting it build to epic proportions. Bad situations and wrong-minded people only have as much power over my  emotional well-being as I give to them. And I choose to give them none. 

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