Register 6 -- Again

   Previously, I have written a blog about how register 6 is infested with gremlins. I would like to revise that particular opinion at this time, because I feel that gremlins are way to mild a creature to be possessing that maniacal machine. There is something else going on here.
   Today was a perfect example of the problem. That check reader/printer was choosing customers to mess up on -- I swear it was. Customers in a good mood, the check reader would scan the check fine, and would print up all the relevant deposit information on the back. But customers in a bad mood; all hell would break loose. I'd run the check, then the problem would start. Whir-whir-whir for two minutes while some "I'm on my lunch break and in a hurry" customer glared at me like they were gonna suck my soul out through my nose if I did not get a move on. Hey, if you are in a hurry, why'd you write a check in the first place? That's what I wanna know, but I digress. The customer would be glaring, only for me to get a printer jam message and the message that the routing number was still needed, which basically means, type that biatch in by hand. Then get the deposit info to print and wait two minutes while the machine whir-whir-whirred so that the cash drawer would open.
   Okay, aggravating, and supremely suspicious that this machine was doing this only for the grumpy grumpkins coming through my line, but I can deal with this. My extremely overworked bookkeeper swears that this machine only does this with me, but I have this down anyway. I can handle this. But the machine -- it's not done with me. No-- it has some new tricks in store for me.
   I come to a point where I need to get a balance printed for a food stamp card, and the paper, after all that whirring is done, comes out blank. Are you kidding me? So I have the customer run the card again and get a receipt printout of the balance, and when all that is taken care of and I have the customer on their way, I pop that printer door open, and the receipt tape has jumped the tracks. Throughout the day, the stupid receipt tape keeps jumping the tracks, but only on food stamp balance info and a few WIC checks. The WIC checks aren't a huge deal, but people get suspicious of you when you are asking them to run their cards extra times, so I am spending time promising people that I am not charging them extra or anything funky like that. While I understand their concern, I am beginning to feel put-out that I am having to so fervently swear to these people that I am not charging them extra. Really, people?
   And it hits me. This damn register is possessed. Forget gremlins, this thing is a demon from hell, bent on the destruction of my sanity. I see you, register demon, I see you. 

Kid Talk

   Kids say the funniest things, often when they are not trying to be funny at all. I try to remember some of the funnier ones because I like to get out the memory and have a chuckle over it all over again. These  are three funny incidents that I overheard the kids saying, and thought that I would share. These conversations come from my daughter, niece, and nephew.

1. While we were dropping off stuff at a storage unit that my sister used to have, I was waiting in the car with the kids so that we didn't have to pull all the troops out just to have them get in the way of loading stuff into the unit. The girls were in the backseat and my daughter was playing with a care bear toy and my niece was playing with an Ariel toy. They were trying to convince the other of which one was the best character.
  "Ariel lives under that water and she gets to swim and play with Flounder and sing."
  "But care bears live in the clouds and they play on rainbows and have cloud cars and they go around the world and spread caring." (We have the old episodes of care bears, so if it sounds like the old school care bears, that's because that's what she got to watch.)
  "But Ariel gets to marry Eric, and you just get to marry old Grumpy Bear."
   Can't really beat that argument, can you?

2. We were eating at Burger King, sitting by the window. My nephew and daughter actually have the 'window seats' and they are avidly looking out, because there is a huge flock of crows outside. All of the sudden, all the crows take off at once and my nephew says at almost a whisper, in the most awed voice I have ever heard him use, "Wow. Zombie crows."
   That boy takes after my own heart with the zombie crows, and he has also happened to watch too much Resident Evil with his auntie (me).

3. Have you ever seen that commercial for the show, I think it's called Adventure Time, but I might be confusing it with something else that is on Cartoon Network, and they ask over and over again whether you like things? Do you like dogs? Do you like cats? And they ask these questions in a sort of a rhythm? Well, that commercial was on the other day, and I decided that I needed to continue to aggravate my daughter with it, so after it was over, I continued to ask her whether or not she liked random things. I finally thought of chickens, so I asked, "Do you like chicken?"
   Exasperated by my inane questioning, she snaps "NO. I only like them when they are dead and I get to eat them."
    Carnivore. Guess she isn't gonna be signing up for PETA.


   That concludes my sharing of random things that the kiddos in my life have said. I'm sure there is more, but frankly, I am mainly writing this blog because the time is 7:40 p.m., and I am insanely tired. However, I have to work tomorrow, and I know my sleeping habits. So I know that if I go to bed now, I will wake up at midnight, and not be able to get back to sleep until around 6 a.am. And I have to get up at 7 to get the kiddo ready for school and then I have to stay up so that I can go to work. So this is my 'I am tired but can't go to bed yet so I need to keep occupied' blog post. Thanks for reading it!

Unsupervised Kids

   Everywhere. Literally, there are unsupervised kids everywhere and I don't understand it. I know that you are busy; I know that you can't be a helicopter mom, but there are times when not paying attention to your kids borders on neglect.
   Every day, when I pick my daughter up from school, we walk home with a gaggle of unsupervised kids, and often, I will be the only adult visible in a sea of anklebiters. True, the apartment complex that I live in is so near to the school that the bus doesn't run there, but in order to get to the school, the kids have to walk along the sidewalk that borders a fairly busy major road. This road always has traffic. Then they have to cross it. In the meantime, on the way home from school, I have witnessed kids pushing each other into the road, kids throwing rocks at each other and into oncoming traffic, and kids reaching out their hands and trying to touch passing cars. And since I am the only adult around, I have to yell at all these kids. The argument could be made that what these kids are doing is none of my business, but seeing a kid get hit by a car, and maybe even killed, would really ruin my day. Forget my day, that would ruin the whole damn year. I may not like your children, but I want them to live, damn it. What's wrong with you that you don't have this same desire?
  Another instance of parental stupidity is not knowing what your kid is doing while they are on bikes. You can't be up your kid's ass every second of every day, but you should know their maturity level. Some kids are not old enough, mentally, to take their bikes down the road. They don't have either the knowledge or maturity to follow safe pedestrian rules and guidelines. I don't live in the frickin' country. This is a pretty busy place for kids to be just cruising along well-used roads with no adult in sight. When I can't pick up my daughter from school due to work, she takes the bus to Grandma's, and I walk there to pick her up. Walking back one time we witnessed two girls about my daughter's age crossing the road at the cross walk on their bikes, but they did not have the walk sign. Meaning that oncoming traffic had a green light, and it's a good thing that all those cars had good brakes. One poor woman stopped so close to one of the girls that she could have reached her hand out of the window and touched her. Scary, and the girl got all upset because the woman was very audible in her cussing, but to be honest, I wanted to cuss too. There are times when something you see scares you so much that you just know that you are gonna die a few years younger just because you witnessed the incident. This was one of those times.
   Another incident occurred in my apartment complex, when a little five year old took a head dive off of her bike. Blood everywhere, not an adult in site; me frantically trying to figure out where she lives so that I can get her to mommy. If I had known this kid, I just would have taken her to my apartment and patched her up, but having no knowledge of the temperament of her parents, I didn't feel safe doing so, because some people's eyes would just light up in hopes of a fat lawsuit. Or if the child is being abused, and they need a scapegoat.... People can't be kind anymore, we have to worry about getting bit in the ass when we do. Eventually, some older kid who knew her came along, which was a relief, because I don't have a cell phone and was fixing to just start banging on nearby doors in hopes of hitting the jackpot. But how do you let a five year old out on a bike, with no helmet or safety gear, and at least not have an eye out for her welfare? Someone could have totally snatched her, and with all these girls being found years later after having to survive brutal conditions, this should be the concern of any parent with a child.
   I let my daughter out to play, so  I know things can happen in an instant, but she isn't allowed to go out of earshot of the apartment, and I check on her periodically just to make sure she is not in trouble. This little five year old was crying and crying, and no mom or dad came to rescue her and kiss her ouches. Not good. I really don't like to be judgmental, but this is not good parenting. Like I said, you have to let them learn to do things on there own, true, but they also need to be the right age and have the right maturity level. Your kid shouldn't be walking home from school unsupervised if they are of the mentality where pushing another kid into a busy road sounds like a good idea. It's not a good idea. Be a parent. 

Things You Shouldn't Do To Your Cashier -- Part 4

   Oh the fun we have, us cashiers. We get a bad rap sometimes, and that is what these lists are for: to set the record straight. I've said before, and I will say again, I am not a customer-hating sales clerk from Hell sent to make your shopping experience as miserable as possible. If nothing else, if I were totally self-serving, that would be bad for the hours. But despite all my retail experience, I still like people. So when the line is moving slow, these are some of the things that hold us up. If we seem unhappy, these are some of the troubles that come with the job. That's all these lists are for; setting the record straight. So again, here's a list of things that should not be done if you want to have a smooth, trouble-free shopping experience. Or if you want to help me in my never-ending quest to continue to like people.

• Confidential Information Folks -- I don't give it out: I know you are thinking info about the other cashiers, and that is true as well. I am not gonna give out any detail about them or their life or their work schedules. But I am also talking about other customers. Namely their method of payment. I am not telling you if the person in front of you used food stamps. That is private. And if you saw the card and know, I am not going to talk about it with you. It's rude, judgmental, and if the tables where turned, you wouldn't like me chatting up another customer about your private financial matters. 
• I Am Not The Bank: Cash back; it can be an issue. I would love to give you fifty ones, but I can't. I don't have enough in my drawer and I have to be able to serve the customers behind you. We are supposed to give our supervisors at least fifteen minutes notice of money needs because they are doing 5,000 things at once, and cannot just drop everything to take our cash order. If things are running smoothly, I can take at least three big order customers in that fifteen minutes -- probably more. I need change in order to make change. Makes sense, right?
• My Eyes Are Not A Debit Card Reader: I can't look at your card and tell you the balance. Yes, people do this. If you have food stamps, you have to run your card and put in your pin. If you have debit, you have to go to an ATM, the bank won't let us check that. Seems that they think your financial information should be private. Banks are funny like that. 
• Alcohol: Don't buy alcohol and then go drink it in our public restroom. Why would you do this? Why?!?!
• I Don't Need Help: When I am scanning items, I don't need you to push more items onto the scanner. This really messes things up. Usually things get double scanned and then I have to void. If I am weighing produce and bulk and you push something heavy on there, you end up paying a lot more for that weighted item unless I void it all and redo. If I void to many times, my register locks up and I have to get a supervisor key. Which means that you and every person behind you has to wait even longer. Hope you aren't in a rush. 
• Babies Cry: What the heck am I supposed to do about it? 
• Don't Give Your Kid A Toy And Then Make Me Take It Away!!!: What is wrong with you? I am not your kids' authority figure. I am my sister's kids' authority figure, but not yours. I don't even know you, and I feel like scum. That poor kid got his/her hopes all up because you handed them a toy and then you make me take it away? And now your kid is all crying and looking at me like I am a DEMON FROM HELL. Thanks for that. 
• You're Not Smiling Big Enough: If that's all you have to complain about, you have it good. Be happy.
• Code All Bulk Food Products: You want to know a secret? I don't know white rice from jasmine rice, but one is more expensive. Please code that stuff. Bulk food sections in every store that I have ever been in, working or shopping, provide pens for that very reason. And searching for the code in my register computer; that takes forever. We have multiple pages lists, and things are not always in the spot you would expect. Unless you want to wait while I look... And wait, and wait, and wait. 

   And in case you missed the first three lists, here are the links to them: List 1  List 2   List 3

This now concludes today's list of things you shouldn't do to your cashier.

Scary Movie Nights

   My sister and I love to be afraid, but we hate to be afraid alone. Hence the birth of scary movie nights, which are nights where we stay over at the other's apartment, let the kids run rampant in their rooms, fix a nice dinner for everyone, and let the terror begin. Except, some nights there is not much terror, because horror is really a hit-or-miss genre. Some of the stuff we have watched was really, incredibly stupid. Lose IQ stupid. We are dumber people for watching those movies, literally.
   But some nights we do find the hit. And then it's awesome, because there is nothing better then sister-baiting after a good scary movie. After Paranormal Activity, every time there was a strange noise, I took great joy in telling my sister that it must have been Katie. We watched that movie when we still lived together, and in the apartment we lived in, we had a funny burner on the stove range. When you would put a pan on this burner, the pan would slide off. Sometimes not right away either; sometimes the pan would wait until it was full of hot food and then slide off, and I swore up and down to my sister that this was the work of the demon from Paranormal Activity.
    After Sinister, waiting for my sister in the car to take the kiddos to karate, she came up and asked who was sitting in the driver's seat. We all replied no one, because no one was, but she insisted that she had seen someone, so I took the opportunity to lay the blame at Mr. Boogie's feet. She didn't even want to get into the car after that.
   Recently, we watched Mama, and as I came back into the room after spending time getting ready for bed in the bathroom, as she was just drifting off into dreamland, I leaned over and whispered softly into her ear,  "Momma." Which earned me my favorite reaction yet, her sitting up in bed and shrieking "GOD DAMMIT, Marie!!!!" My sister is a really loud person, with a voice that carries, so I would not be surprised if all my neighbors heard her lovely sentiment as they drifted off to slumber land themselves.
   These are the best moments for me; the awesome moments that really make all that family time really worthwhile. Sister-baiting is the greatest entertainment in the universe. Of course, the strangest thing of all is how my sister gets so frightened in the first place, because she doesn't actually give her complete attention to the movie playing. During the scariest part of any movie that we watch, if you look over at her to see her reaction, you will notice that she is not looking at the screen at all. She will be on her computer playing facebook games, glancing at me to get my reaction so that she can tell when the worst is over.

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There are no words for that.