Friday, February 8, 2013

The Witch's Knife

   While shopping for my new apartment, and restocking kitchen supplies, I have found one thing to be true. Paring knifes are not created equally. Some of them, in fact, are really crappy and little better than a butter knife. Try peeling cucumbers with those, or slicing up your apples. You end up basically tearing off the peel, and that takes an awful lot of vegetable along with the peel, which is waste; or you rip off pieces of your apple, and can't cut straight, leaving a lot of fruit on the core. I don't know about you, but I pay a lot for fresh produce; I don't want that produce feeding the trashcan, I want the fruits and veggies to feed me and my daughter.
This knife has proven to be very bloodthirsty. 
   So I was very frustrated with the paring knifes that I had picked up from the grocery store. They weren't knives, they were crap pretending to be knives. When I went shopping for my do-it-yourself furniture, I made a point of hunting out a good paring knife. After finding one that suited me, I took the knife home.
   As I was standing at my counter, blissfully slicing up my apple with my new knife, which cut though the apple like there was nothing there but air, I stabbed myself in the finger. Which, for some reason, caused massive bleeding, even though the puncture was just a tiny one.
   I thought nothing more of this beyond the fact that I had just bled all over my apple, which was going to end up feeding the trash anyway, because there was no way  I was eating a bloody apple. I don't care if that could be rinsed off, or that the blood was my own. YUCK. No bloody apples are being consumed in this household. But beyond the waste of the apple, I had no suspicions about that knife, but I did do my usual facebook post, letting everyone know that my finger had been mutilated by my new knife.
   And I had a friend respond that the knife was a witch's knife (wink, wink, you know who you are!!) Naw, I thought. Until, about five minutes after I read that comment, as I was cutting up another apple (I make a really yummy apple dip out of cream cheese, which is why I am eating so many apples,) I sliced open my finger, again. A much bigger cut. That bled a lot more. Yet another bloody apple in the trash.
   Which has led me to believe that there is something up with that knife. I have had the thing for a total of one day and one night. Two cuts: two wasted apples. This trend is very suspicious. Do I believe in the supernatural? Hmmmm. If you have been reading my posts, you know the answer to that. If this is your first time reading about my supernatural fears, let me take a moment to direct your attention to certain tales about children's toysused furniture, and unruly registers. But regardless of all that, supernatural or not,  there is something amiss with this bloodthirsty knife. But I can't get rid of the knife, because then I would be left with nothing but that crap in my drawer that is just pretending to be a paring knife. Yup, if this was a horror movie, I would be that dumbass white girl who dies first. Good thing this isn't a horror movie. Or is it???

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