Thursday, February 7, 2013

Stanky Money

   We have recently voted to legalize weed, which I voted against, FYI, but I was outvoted. That's okay. This is how democracy works, and just because that stanky shit was legalized, that doesn't mean that I have to start smoking the shit. Huh-uh. Have you smelled that stuff? If you are like me, and think the smell of tobacco is bad, don't get near that grass. Weed smells like skunk on fire. Gross.
   Anyway, the day after that stuff was legalized, my old neighbors from my old place celebrated. I guess they were really happy. So happy that they created cloud cover in the parking lot of our complex. I am not kidding; it looked like the fog had rolled in. How much did they smoke to do that? I can't even figure it out, but it had to be a lot, and there wasn't really any wind that day, which I guess helped. Anyway, my sister and I were instructing the kiddos to hold their breaths because we had to get them from the car to the apartment and didn't want them suffering contact highs, and I just have to say, that was wrong. You can smoke all the skunk grass that you want, but you shouldn't be smoking in such a way that your habits affect other people. There are such things as contact highs, and if you are smoking, then you know this. Thankfully, I moved, but my mom still lives there, and if that shit happens again I am going file whatever reports I need to get that to stop. There are regulations that come with this new legalization.
   But I digress. I ranted about my old neighbor, and what I was really going to talk about was the stanky money that a customer handed me the other day. Now, usually stanky money has come out of the boobs, or the undies or socks, but this came straight from her purse. So I wasn't expecting for this money to smell. But the money did smell. And what did this money smell like? Skunk weed. Oh yeah, apparently she had been hitting that wacky tobacky. And the smell was strong. I kept expecting one of my customers to go to management and complain about the smell because every time I opened my cash door that skunk smell would waft out and overwhelm me. And if I could smell the stink, I know my customers could. What did she do with that money? Rub her stash all over it? I mean, really, what do you have to do to get your money to smell like weed? That is what boggles my mind the most. And so here I was, waiting for a manager to come over and demand a drug test, because I was sure that a customer was going to march right on over to customer service and complain, but none ever did. But really, what do you do to make money smell like that? Because that smell really lingered, and lasted all day, and probably gave our bookkeepers, who are shut up in a tiny, unvented room, a contact high. The smell was that strong, and that lingering. She had to have soaked that money in her wacky tobacky. Geez, people. Keep your bad habits to yourself. 

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