Thursday, April 25, 2013

Kitchen Knives Vs. Marie

   When I lived in Florida, I worked in a store that had a fresh fruit bar, and I was the cutter. Everyday, I had to go into work, and cut up trays and trays of things like watermelon, honeydew, cantaloupe, pineapple, kiwi, and other fruits into bite sized pieces. In all that time, I never suffered an injury; never had the knife slip, never had an issue with witch's knives or steak knives and Easter bunnies, but since I moved to Washington, the problems have been abundant.
   Then there was yesterday - my day off - and I was calmly cutting up potatoes to make myself some baked potatoes wedges for my lunch. A day off is a day where you get to rest and rejuvenate, or if you are a working mom, frantically manage to clean the house in the morning so that you can rest in the afternoon, but I did not find myself resting. What I found myself doing was slicing deep into my thumb as I was cutting up potatoes. Then I found myself holding wads of paper towels to my thumb, and then changing that wad out after I bled through, and continuing that until I managed to get the bleeding to stop enough so I could get a band-aid on. Now, I did consider going to the ER, but for crying-out-loud, I had just cut my thumb. Deep, sure, and it had bled a lot, but extremities and head-wounds tend to bleed the most, and I could not conceive of going to the ER over a cut on my thumb. It's not like I cut the fricking thing off. So when the blood  started seeping through the band-aids, I just changed them out, proceeding to use up my daughter's supply of sparkly, blinged-out band-aids. So when I went to pick her up from school, I just stopped at the store real quick and picked up more. No big deal.
   What is a big deal: not being able to use your thumb. You never realize how much you rely on that sucker until you have to avoid using it. By the evening, the cut had stopped seeping, but anytime I touched something with my thumb the thing would throb, and even more alarming, bleed a little. Try fixing dinner without using one of your thumbs. Try putting the laundry in the dryer, with is stacked above the washer, and so tall that you have to stand on your tip-toes to reach into it. Try folding and hanging up clothes, and try doing the dishes. FYI: my clothes didn't get put away, and my dishes are sitting the sink still, and this morning I didn't make my bed. Typing is good, because instead if two thumbs resting on the space bar, I only rest one, and hold the other one up. I have to work tonight, but I think scanning will be fine as well. In any case, much like the ER, no way I'm causing a ruckus over a cut thumb. And there is no more bleeding at all, this morning I tested it by grabbing something and checking to see if there was blood. None; the band-aid was all white and alright.
   But this does lead me to the conclusion that all the knives in Washington must have some sort of conspiracy against me. I went for years without ever cutting myself; I move and BAM!!!!! The attack of the kitchen knives. Are you kidding me here? Like I don't have enough problems without the revolution of the kitchen knives on my hands. I see you, knives, I see you.

No comments:

Post a Comment