Do-It-Yourself Drama

   Since the new move, because I was moving out of a shared apartment, I don't have much furniture. Due to my refusal to buy used furniture because that unknown furniture might be demonic or possessed, all of that furniture has been new. And because I need to save money, all that furniture has been the kind that comes in a box, and you put it together yourself.
   So I have been building furniture for the last week, and let me tell you, the room clears when I am building something. Nobody wants to be there. This is not a new phenomenon either; I have built a lot of my mother's things. And nobody stays in the same room when I have a do-it-yourself project out.
   Not really a secret, but I have a bit of a potty mouth. I actually try to curb this potty mouth tendency on my blog, and make a point not to drop f-bombs in my writing, but when I am building something, the f-bombs fly. Along with every other expletive that comes to mind. As well as a tendency to snap if you breath too hard. In short, everybody leaves for good reason.

I built the chairs, bookcase, and media stand. 

   But usually I only seldom have a do-it-yourself project. Mostly, my family buys our shit built and ready to go. The need to save money, however, has driven me to do-it-yourself extremes. I have built, in the past couple of weeks a bookshelf, media tower, entertainment stand, shoe rack, and two living room chairs. I have waiting to be built: two rocking chairs and a desk chair. My table has not been purchased yet, but will probably be something that I have to build. And all this do it yourself has caused some amount of injury. I've talked about the nail that made me wish I was a fish, but I've also had the media tower fall and bonk me on the noggin, smashed my finger with a hammer, and of course, dropped power tools and screw drivers on my poor unsuspecting feet. These accidents will happen in the world of building your own shit to save a few bucks.

Did not build the TV, are you kidding me? But I did build the stand that it's on.

   So my ka-ka mouth may be running a little wild these days, but hey, it's all in the privacy of my own home, right? And stuff that I build, it does stay built. I have never had a problem with my projects falling apart. I have had problems with crappy-ass directions that cause me to have to undo half of the damn project and reassemble, because that shit was NOT clearly explained, but once the project is finished, it stays built. Plus, I mean, have you looked at the costs of assembly and delivery? I did pay to have my daughter's huge, elaborate bed built, because having her sleep five feet in the air on something that I put together was too nerve-racking, and that cost me an extra hundred altogether, and then my mom went and gave the dude a tip. You have to tip these people??? I think we can deal with my potty mouth for the rest of the stuff I need. Let the do-it-yourself drama continue. 

Possessed, Demonic Furniture = Not In My House

   Talking with my bestie, she had mentioned that for my new apartment that I might want to look at some used furniture. This would save me some money, and I like to save money. The problem is, I just don't trust used stuff. I know, you're thinking things like lice and bed bug infestations, and that is a legitimate concern. We all know how I feel about those immortal bugs, but I have other concerns. Bugs are not my only worry here.

What if someone died on it???

   Do you ever wonder what has happened on that furniture that you find on Craig's List, and in garage sells, and other various places, where you may not know the former owner and don't know the furniture's history? I know that may not seem valid, but let me explain myself. Say you are looking at a used couch on Craig's List, and you go buy it, but what you don't know is that someone's Great-Aunt Mabel died on that very couch. Oh yeah, death cooties. And what if good old Aunt Mabel is lingering, tied to the mortal realm -- meaning the couch that you just bought. Well, that's just fabulous. Now you have someone's Great Aunt Mabel harping in your ear about the fact that the house is dirty, you need to walk the dog, your kids aren't well behaved, you can't cook, you need a man, what's wrong with you? And good luck evicting a spirit. I've watched enough horror movies to know that this never ends well. Try and evict her and you may very well end up haunting the couch with her.
   And say it gets worse. Say the reason Aunt Mabel died is because her rabid, feral cat chewed on her face. Then say Uncle Johnny came in, took care of that cat, and now the cat is haunting the damn couch as well. Now you have somebody's bitchy-ass Aunt complaining about everything you do, and you have a ghost cat pissing all over the carpet because you don't have a litter box. Great. Bet you're wishing you just bought a new couch, and skipped all this drama.
   It could be even worse. So far we have only touched ghostly Auntie Mabels and spirit cats that need a litter box. What if someone has been messing with Ouija boards on that couch and now that couch has become possessed by a Paranormal Activity-type demon. I don't know about you, but the last thing that I need is some invisible creature dragging me down the hall by my foot. And if you saw the most recent one, with the yard cram-packed full of possessed house wives, then you know that it's just a little hard to believe that they are all descendants from some little freaky coven. I bet some of them bought some used furniture that had demons in it. Bet you wish you had bought that new couch when the demon is chomping on your leg.
   So all-in-all, I think I am going to go with new, spiritually blank furniture. Clean slate and all that. This way, all those people on Craig's List can keep their dead Aunt Mabels and their Paranormal Activity demons. Plus-- I get to pick out new furniture. Win/win.