Monday, December 9, 2013

The Weather Outside Is Frightful

   This morning, I woke up, with a brain that was not yet functioning, and found myself contemplating my foot. You see, my foot was cold, and in my groggy, I-just-woke-up-and-can't-think state, I couldn't figure out why my foot was cold. I stretched my toes out, wondering what the heck was going on, when I FINALLY realized that I was missing my sock, and with a shriek that would put a banshee to shame, I dove back into my blankets and found the runaway sock.
   How cold is the weather right now where you are? Some of you are going to laugh your asses off at me, because I am complaining about weather that is in the teens and twenties, and you are gonna be looking at numbers in the negatives. I can't remember where this place was located, but I remember somewhere in the states, they hit a record breaking low of -39 degrees, and I swear, I felt my skin attempting to get frost bite just at the thought of that type of cold -- just at the very thought! I have a friend who posted on her facebook page that she was having a 'warm spell' at -7 degrees, and I just about died. I can't deal with that cold!!!
   Once upon a time, I did live in a chilly-ass place called South Dakota. Maybe I have lived in colder places, but I don't remember them. I do remember South Dakota however, and I do remember blizzards and snow so deep that you could tunnel in it; I remember snow forts and snowmen and snowball fights with the neighbors. I remember liking that stuff.
   My daughter wants to build some of her own snow memories. Ever since we hit November, she has been praying for snow. Hoping, begging, all that good stuff, while I am over here frantically thinking, "Hush your mouth!" Because I don't want snow. I don't want to go outside and try to  scrap the thin layering of slush that we get and call snow, into something resembling a snowman. I don't want to get hit in the back with an icy wad of melting snow that will soak into my coat and drip down my back. No thanks; not me.
   Don't look at me to participate in that crap now. I am the wet blanket of winter fun. In case you hadn't noticed, that stuff's cold! You see, after we lived in South Dakota, we moved to Mississippi. My dad did some overseas work while we stayed there, and then he eventually retired, and we stayed in Mississippi. What does that have to do with cold weather? Well, ever since I was nine years old, I have been having Christmases that were in the 60's, 70's, and sometimes even the friggen 80's. My body got used to hot weather.
   Of course, then  I moved up here, and those of you where reading over the summer know this already, and once I had lived here for a few years, I lost my tolerance to extreme heat. As kids, we used to run out the door in 110 degree heat (although honestly, we were usually looking for some sort of body of water to go jump in), but now 80 feels too hot. But here I am saying that 20 is too cold. So what the hell do I want already? Well, I should think that the answer to that question was obvious. I just want the temperature to be in the 60's and 70's year round. Is that really too much to ask for? 

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