Friday, June 7, 2013

The Maggots' Feast AKA Nom Nom Nom (Based On A True Story)

On a lonely road in the dead of night....
   The masked villain, tired from a day of dumpster diving and terrorizing the apartment complex's outdoor cats (even though Washington state does have leash laws, people) takes a peaceful walk home. As he is crossing the road however, he is met by his arch nemesis, and is frozen by his one weakness: headlights. Unable to defend himself, the masked villain is struck down. A concerned citizen sees the body, and calls Animal Control, but little do they know that the Animal Control operative is a deranged lunatic, who chuckles gleefully as he places the body (dun dun dun) right next to the sidewalk that the school children use to get to school.

The next day...
   Our fearless heroine notices the body in the morning, but artfully shields her smart aleck-y daughter from the knowledge that the reaper has just visited a most favored villain. But that afternoon she can no longer hide the knowledge of the death of the masked villain, because some dumb-ass dad (the kryptonite of every mother) has all the school kids in a trance as he pokes the body with a stick.
   "Are you kidding me?!" our fearless heroine shouts at the dumb-ass dad but he just chuckles and continues his morbid exploration. Our fearless heroine pushes a path through the crowd for her smart aleck-y daughter so that they can continue walking home from the daughter's school.
   "Don't let me catch you doing that dumb shit," our fearless heroine snaps to her smart aleck-y daughter as they continue on their way.
   "Yeah, because I always poke dead things with sticks," her smart aleck-y daughter replies.

Two days later...
   The body is still there. Calls to the maniacal Animal Control operative are to no avail. No one knows what to do about the body because they are all citified and are not gonna touch that crap. The school kids just have to hold their breaths as they pass the masked villain's remains. Our fearless heroine and her smart aleck-y daughter are walking to school when they notice that the corpse seems to be shifting oddly. Our fearless heroine stops in confusion.
  "Zombie?" she mutters, mostly just to mess with her smart aleck-y daughter's head.
  "Oh my God, no! Mother! Stop staring at the dead raccoon and let's go!" the smart aleck-y daughter complains.
   Suddenly the corpse erupts and maggots start spilling from the body. Our fearless heroine gives a blood-curdling scream and shouts "RUN!!" at her smart aleck-y daughter, but it's too late. What has been seen cannot be unseen. They will both carry the scars of witnessing the maggot feast for the rest of their lives.
   They come to a rest at the cross walk and the school crossing guard politely asks them how they are doing this morning.
  "Horror...." answers our fearless heroine, still reeling from what she witnessed.
   Her smart aleck-y daughter however, just rolls her eyes. "She stayed up too late last night reading manga," she explains to the crossing guard.
   "Manga?" asks the crossing guard.
   "Yeah, kinda like comics, but from Japan."
   "Dead raccoon," our fearless heroine explains, because how late she stayed up the night before reading has nothing to do with anything.
   "Oooooh," the crossing guard lady says in understanding. "You know, someone should call Animal Control. They will probably come remove it."

The saga continues....

A much lamented villain. Rest in peace masked villain.


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  2. Sorry. I do try to edit my work for spelling and grammar errors, but I do miss them sometimes. And it can be hard because, for example, in this post the spell check marked smart aleck as wrong, but according to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, this is the correct spelling. So sometimes I overlook something because the spell check identifies correctly spelled words as wrong. But I do try, and hopefully will continue to improve. Thank you for reading it, spelling errors and all :)