I Ain't Afraid of No Spider

   We all have our fears, irrational or reasonable, and my sister's is spiders. And what kind of big sister would I be if I didn't rag on her for this fear? No self-respecting older sister could leave this alone! None! And it's not like I don't move the spider out of her way after I am done ragging on her......wait! Yes it is! I totally leave the spider there.

Mr. Spider, who lives over my front door. 

  Like the spider that lives outside our front door. I completely and unconditionally love that spider. He is the coolest, most bad ass spider ever, completely playing guard dog. Do you know how many sales men and door-to-door solicitors do not knock because they see that giant, freaky-looking spider? It's great for an antisocial introvert like myself. But that spider scares my sister to death. She literally makes her kids chant "still there, still there" while she is unlocking the door so that she knows that the spider hasn't moved. And she doesn't linger in that doorway, which is great for when you are trying to carry in heavy loads of groceries into the house. And he is still there; I am never moving him, he is welcome for as long as he wants to stay. I love Mr. Spider; he is the most useful pet that I have ever owned. I mean, he is better than a viscous, face-eating guard dog. He scares people just by being on his web, and I never, ever have to feed him or take him out to pee or clean his cage or litter box. Best pet ever!!! Sorry, sister, but I feel nothing but love for Mr. Spider.