Techno-Moron

   Yet again, I've been having problems with electrical devices. My computer has been giving me the most grief; it's decided that it's going to overheat and turn off every five minutes, making any type of computer based work hard. Good thing I'm not still doing online classes.
   It's gonna have to wait, like every other expense that's not rent, food, or utilities. But another piece of 'time-saving' equipment has also been giving me a lot of grief: my vacuum cleaner. I mean, c'mon, how much trouble can a vacuum cleaner be? Well, if your name is Marie, than the vacuum cleaner might just be your arch-nemesis. A few months ago, before summer even started, I wrote about how my vacuum cleaner had stopped working correctly, and that my sister had told me that the problem was the belt. At first, the problem did seem to be the belt. After replacing the belt, my vacuum did work again; running the blasted thing caused my apartment to smell like fire, but it did work, for a time. However, three new belts later, for some reason, I am spending more time trying to get the vacuum to work than I am actually spending vacuuming. This, my friends, is a problem.
    I don't like living in a dirty house, but I equally don't like cleaning. If I have to spend 30 minutes just getting the tool I need to use to clean to work in the first place, then that chore: not getting done. Not happening. But you can't just stop vacuuming when you have a carpeted floor. So I downgraded. I'm done with vacuum cleaners. Instead, I've switched to a vacuum sweeper - no electricity needed, no motors, no belts, no wires, nothing.  And while my family is busy laughing at me, I just can't help being happy.
   And that just kinda reinforced something that I've known for a long time. Something that just doesn't make sense with a woman who writes a blog, is a gamer, and grew up in the age of the internet; I just don't do well with technology. Something in me causes shit to break, and that's not so great for my blog, because it's hard to write a post when your computer will only stay on for five minutes at a time. I need a new one, but I'm waiting because I already got a new one once, and managed to destroy it so completely it won't turn on. I need something with less wires and circuits. But unlike the vacuum cleaner, there really isn't a compatible downgrade for computers. If only my computer problem could be solved so easily. I need a vacuum sweeper version of a computer...

I See Your Crash, Computer, And I Raise You One System Restore, New Anti-Virus Programs, And Some Duct Tape

   I don't know when this war that I am having with technology will ever end. This laptop that I am sitting here typing on is around seven years old, I think. I have to use this one because the new one that I bought LAST FRICKIN' YEAR broke down so completely that I can't even figure out how to turn the biatch on. It's dead. My friend told me that her son takes old computers out and shoots them, literally, as stress relief, and I am seriously thinking of donating one worthless, never-worked-right laptop to the cause.
   But this laptop, as old and junkie as it happens to be, is one that I can somehow manage to keep fixing, even if that does involve many mornings with all my hair pulled out and extensive usage of every single sentence-enhancing cuss word I can think of. At one time, I was thinking that I would never get a Dell again, but at this point, I am thinking, shit, at least I can keep the damn thing running when I do inevitably break it.
   Which leads to now, because, of course, this hunk of junk isn't working right. First, the thing would turn on, but it wouldn't load any of my desktop stuff, so I couldn't see my shortcuts. So I ran some diskcheck thing-y, having no ideal what that would do, and I still have no ideal what it did do, but my screen would load. But they would load sloooooooooooooooooooooow when I tried to open them. I could literally walk away, cook dinner, come back, and the thing would still be loading. So I ran virus programs and did system restores and things loaded faster, but part of my screen popped off and hit me in the head.
   You would think that would make me give up, right? Shit's flying at my head, time to throw in the towel here. But you see, I just got pissed. Started thinking, "Oh, it's on now." I am going to beat this computer. I am going to win. And also, I have duct tape. If you ever grew up in Mississippi, in the country, surrounded by rednecks as far as the eye can see, then you too would know that duct tape can fix just about anything.
   So for now, things seem to be working back to normal, which is still pretty crappy, all things said, but I don't exactly have the money for a new laptop at the moment. You see.... there where some books that I had to have... And now I have them; all 12 of them. I'm broke, but I am pretty damn content.
   But I am dealing with a picky, stubborn ass computer, than my picky, stubborn ass self is refusing to replace (again), so we'll see how often I am actually able to get on the internet and post things. I have a feeling that in the next year or so, I am going to have no choice but to replace this monster, but I am gonna hold out until the bitter end this time.

If You Are A Computer, Then I Am Your Angel Of Death

Arrgggggggggg! So I have had the new computer, the charmed, Windows 8 driven monstrosity , for barely a month, and I have killed it already. Not sure how. I was poking around online, and then the whole thing froze, and then shutdown, and now it'll turn on, but Windows 8 just seems to be gone, and since that was the operating system...
   I am not a computer wiz , not by a long shot. You know that saying, "God gives us obstacles?" I am technology's obstacle. That shit comes into my house, and I am gonna find a way to break it. Technology isn't very durable around me and often our little disagreements end in something's circuitry being fried and me scratching my head in pure bafflement.
   Since I managed to wreck that little Acer computer (unfortunately, a month is not my record, I once manage to destroy an HP in a week), I am back on the Dell, you know, the one that is all busted with the screen that is hanging on by a wire (thank goodness I didn't throw it out.) I have barely looked at my other computer, and at a later time, when I am more calm and not  thinking fondly of hammers, I will look at the Acer and see what I can manage to do myself. Last night when it broke, I was just exhausted, and at that time, the only feasible options where to actually get that hammer and bust that junker up beyond all repair, or to go to bed. Since the new computer is actually under warranty still, I didn't think the hammer was the option, so I went to bed. Since I went to be before my daughter, when I woke up at 3:30 a.m., every single light in the house was on. My daughter was snoozing merrily away in her bed, and the kitchen light was on, both hall lights were on, her bedroom light was one, the bathroom light was on, and both TVs were on. Good-bye $50 electric bill.... But I digress. We were not talking about my daughter's super power -- running up the electric bill -- we were talking about mine: the ability to destroy computer systems with a mere glance. Perhaps this ability would be of value if I were actually some kind of super hero or villain, but I have to tell you -- when you are just a single mom trying to pay some bills online, this is the worst superpower IN THE UNIVERSE.
   I am on a six day work stretch, and to top that off, I just have not been feeling 100% lately, so hunting down the warranty and the phone numbers, and then calling the customer service people, which I am sure you will all agree is always the most enjoyable, super-fun thing to do ever, will have to wait. I can't deal with this crap right now, and in the meantime, I have this Dell. This aggravating, slower-than-an-old-lady-on-a-non-motorized-wheelchair, and maybe I need to come to terms with the fact that this is just my speed when I am dealing with technology.  Or maybe I should just move deep into the mountains and become a luddite.

The Beast

Giving In: The New Computer And Why I Am Already Baffled

   My last computer rant was a while ago, but to recap, I basically ranted on about the taped-together wreck that was functioning as my laptop. But money is tight, and I didn't want to dip into my vacation funds to replace what was a very expensive computer that I just feel should have lasted longer, although I have been told that for a laptop, my taped together mess of circuits and wires actually lasted longer than normal. Why the hell to they cost so damn much then, is what I want to know, but I digress.
   The real purpose of the new post is to rant about the new computer that I bought. This laptop, although I guess technically the thing is considered a notebook, whatever the hell difference that is, was a lot cheaper than my last laptop, yet it still cost more than my PS3 did. Go figure. (I like my PS3 better, by the way.) The damn thing is a lot smaller, however, so I started calling it the baby laptop, and it has no disk drive. But I can handle that because there are slots for flashdrives, so  I can save my work. Whatever the size, the baby computer is a lot faster that my wreck-of-a-laptop-that-let-me-down. But my real complaint is not the computer, I actually think it's a good little baby computer; my real complaint is this Windows 8 shit.
   Oh. My. God. Have you ever worked with that system? I don't even understand the way things work anymore.  For starters(<---haha!), I don't have a start button anymore, which was one of the main ways that I accessed programs that  I didn't have shortcuts to. How do I access them now?
   Well, there are these little squares all over my screen called tiles, which is not the shortcuts on the desktop, which has to be accessed from the tile screen by the desktop tile, and they link to all my stuff. Except that for some reason, they keep opening randomly on their own when I am trying to blog or scroll down on facebook. I can't understand why, but all of the sudden, I am off of the internet and I am staring, dumbfounded, at some blue screen with the image of a picture in lighter blue on it while a load sign wheels around and around. And then somehow I am in my pictures, except I didn't want to be here in the first damn place.
   So I have to push my arrow into the corner of the screen, and since I haven't been able to figure out how to pin my Google Chrome shortcut to the (wait for it ---->) Charm menu, I have to go all the way back to the tile page and then I can hit the Chrome tile and get back to where I never wanted to leave.
   Don't even get me started on Charms.... Too late; I'm going there. Lets talk charms. As in charms should only be spells cast in D & D type games when you are playing a spell caster, which I usually never do. True to character, I like to play beserkers. In other words, I don't care for charms, and I certainly don't like things on my computer being named after them, and they are as much a pain in the ass to use on Windows 8 as they are to cast in an RPG. They keep popping up all over the damn place and they don't work right half the time. Sorry, your cast failed.
   All I can say about Windows 8 is that the navigation is not intuitive; I keep ending up in strange and unknown places, and often, I can't figure out how to get back to that place once I have managed to escape. So if I end up looking at something that looks neat, I better mess with it while I am there, because there is a good chance I'll never see it again.
   Maybe this system is really great for some brilliant computer wiz, but for me, this system is a fail. But now I'm stuck with it, and like my former travesty of a computer, I am going to make this one last until the screen is popping off and parts are taped on with duct tape. I hate putting money out on computers; on the other hand, however, the new PS4 is coming out soon. I would dearly love to put some money down on that. Happy thoughts, Marie, happy thoughts.