How To Get A Kid To Read

   I'm an avid reader; I know that is kinda like saying the sky is blue, but I have a point with making that my leading sentence. Also, I raised a daughter that is an avid reader. But I don't really think I can take a ton of credit for that, you see, my mother is also an avid reader: I think it's genetic. Regardless, I have been asked for tips from several people about getting kids to read, so I thought I'd say what I think. In saying what I think, however, I need to also explain that what I think did NOT work whatsoever on my niece. She doesn't like to read and none of my tips worked. So take this with a grain of salt. That being said, here is my opinion on the best way to get kids to read.
   1. Read out loud to your kid, and start as soon as possible. I started reading to mine at birth. She didn't get to choose the books at first, because she didn't care and couldn't talk to tell me what she wanted, so her first books consisted of The Lord of The Rings trilogy, but even that got her into  the ritual of reading, and that is so important.
   2. Poems; specifically silly poems like those written by Shel Silverstein. For a kid with a short attention span, poems are shorter than stories and the silly ones about being eating by boa constrictors, picking your nose, and being buried by garbage can catch a young reader's fancy.
   3. Dr. Seuss is your friend. Actually, any books that rhyme and can be read in a rhythm are good. My daughter loved those best when she was still reading books for young children. She wanted them to be read as often as possible, and if you didn't read them in rhythm, she would make you start over and "read the book right".
   4. As your kid gets older, let them choose the books that they read. Don't outlaw things like comic books and manga. They may seem frivolous, but any book reading is building skills such as vocabulary, imagination, critical thinking, comprehension, and so-on. Over time, those skills will translate to other things, such as that science article their teacher wants them to read or that chapter in the history book. The important thing is for them to enjoy reading, so that they will build these skills. So if what they want to read is the newest Spiderman comic, then go for it. If all they want to do is sing a song, find song lyrics online, and print them out so that they can read the lyrics and sing along to their favorite songs. Get creative.
   5. When your child starts reading to you, don't get impatient when they are sounding out words. Let them do that themselves. My daughter got really angry when I would give a word away. I suggest only helping them when they ask for the help. For me, this is good training for school, because whoever their teachers are, they are not going to know if your kid needs help unless they speak up. Patience is really key, not matter how much the kiddos are stumbling with the words, and really, they get so happy when they read you a book all on their own.
   6. Continue reading out loud even when your child is proficient in reading. Reading is good quality time regardless. Also, talk to your kid about books they have read. Read what they read so that you can talk about story plots and discuss characters. These kids are going to have to show that they can analyse text; this is great practice.
   7. Don't use reading as a punishment. They have to read in school; they are required all through elementary to take AR tests on reading. You want to have reading a book to have as many positive connotations as possible. So don't say in frustration, "You're never playing a video game again! All you are going to do is sit in your room and read a book for the next week!" (I say this because I've actually made the mistake of saying this myself.) You don't want reading to feel like a punishment.
   I don't know if this will actually help anyone. Every kid is different and they all learn in different ways. This is what I did though, and maybe one or two of the things I've written will give you ideas or help you out if you are struggling to get a child to read. I hope so, at any rate. And if you are reading this, and you have tips to add, please do so in the comment section! I know a few families who struggle with this, and I'm sure they would love the tips!

College - Worth The Cost Or Not?

   I've been seeing a lot about college lately; more specifically, the cost of college and student loan debt. There's a lot of heated opinion about college and about paying back student loans and the cost, and is college worth the cost of being in debt for the next ten years (or more).
  I can't say that I have an answer to that, for the population in general. For me, the holder of a BA in one field, an AA in another, and still working outside both fields, in retail, I say yes. Maybe I've bought into the hype; I don't know. Maybe ten years from now, I'll be pissed that I spent ALL that money on an education.
  But, my life has improved. From someone who started her higher education by getting a GED (meaning that I didn't even have a high school education, of course), I can say that I live better than I did before, even with the debt, which I do have. I am student-loaned out like a motherfucker, 40k biatch, and my student loan payments do constitute as my second largest bill (rent being first, food being third). I went to a community college for my AA, but remember, not only do I work as many hours as my job will give me, I've also got the single mom thing going for me, so I was getting a maximum of four hours of sleep. When I decided to continue on with my education, I looked for online programs, which tend to be more costly than regular old, run-of-the-mill college campuses. And I chose a different degree, which does account for some of the cost - this is for two separate degrees, even if I did transfer some of my AA's credits, there were still a lot that were just not relevant to my new field of study.
   My daughter's dreams improved as my education did. She went from wanting to be a cashier like mommy to wanting to go to college like mommy. Mommy is still a cashier, but damn it, she's a finely, over-educated one, and my daughter still wants to go to college, and mommy still wants her to go, even with her second largest bill being student loans. I've lived with no education, and that sucks big time; I do not want that for my daughter.
   But, in my value of my (costly) education, you need to understand, I lived a large part of my life with someone doing their best to convince me that I was stupid. Going to college, that was my way of dispelling that belief - one that I had bought into. So that is one reason that I still value my seemingly worthless education. Another - well, this blog isn't perfect. I try to edit out grammar and spelling mistakes, but I tend to only spend about thirty minutes on a post. They're fast things for me that I can pound out after work but before making my daughter dinner. If you are reading this, you may find a mistake or two, but in the large part, you are also benefiting from my higher education. Imagine the mistakes that would have been up in this post before Writing 101 and Writing 235 got their happy hands on me.
   I guess what I am trying to say is this: like everything in this world, education's value is relative. How much does having an education mean to you? How much will your life improve? You will probably go into debt, almost undoubtedly - unless you manage to pimp out your education with grants and scholarships (good for you if you can!!!), but people are perfectly willing to go into debt for things like cars - something that will probably not even last them ten damn years, and they do so because they think having a car will either bring value into their lives or ease hardship, or whatever. For me, education has brought value into my life, so while my debt can be a struggle, I manage. Because this was something that I wanted. Ten years from now, maybe I'll be pissed that I was so naive, so financially clueless, but right now, I don't think so. My self esteem has benefited, my daughter's goals have improved, and my writing has benefited. Who knows, down the road, what other aspects of my life will benefit, if any, but regardless, I think that higher education is still worth something, even beyond a salary. But that is something that everyone will have to decide for themselves, just like any other major life decision. 

Chaperoning School Field Trips; Otherwise Known As Hell

   My daughter has a school field trip coming up, and once again, I have found myself agreeing to chaperon this event. Yes, this is a good way to get to know my daughter's teachers, this is a good way to get to know the kids she is choosing to hang out with, this is a good way to meet some of her friend's parents, and this is a good way to participate and support her education. These are all the reasons that I agree to do the chaperon thing (that and the knowledge that if the school does not get enough volunteers, they cancel the trip altogether, which would make me feel massively guilty. Understandable, because there has to be enough adults to keep the kiddos supervised and safe, but pressure, nonetheless.)
   The reasons that I dread field trips are simple. I am not a child person. Never in my life have I ever wanted to be a teacher; I don't have the patience. My sister works in the early education field, and the stories she tells gives me true horrors; even the ones that she thinks are hilarious. You found the kids playing in the toilet? They need to be coated in Lysol now; they are contaminated. Yes, my daughter has done disturbingly disgusting stuff, especially during her toddler years; kinda the definition of being a toddler: gross little mini-human who gets away with disgusting shit by being adorably cute and innocent. I smell a conspiracy, but I digress; with my own daughter, there was no one around to judge as I ran after her cleaning up the messes and disinfecting, all while dealing with massive gag reflex. People are gonna look at a preschool teacher or daycare worker a little askance if boogers and baby shit bring on epic amounts of gagging.
   Of course, these are older kids that I am chaperoning. They might pick their noses, but exposure to society and their peers has taught most of them to do so in secret. What I don't know won't hurt me, right? But older kids bring more issues, albeit ones that do not make me gag. Last year, my daughter's class went to see a limited-time exhibit of King Tut's tomb for one of their field trips. They also did a segment on ancient Egypt, so that the field trip could be incorporated into the lesson plan. This was the first time I had heard of a lesson being given just so that a field trip could be justified, however, as I said, the King Tut exhibit was only there at the Science Center for a couple months. The 5th grade teachers saw a chance to have a really cool educational field trip, and certainly, I can't blame them. So field trip it was, and of course, my daughter wanted me to go. (I kinda like that part though, being well aware that one day, she is NOT going to want me to come.)
   When you chaperon at my daughter's school, they split you into groups of four or five, each with a chaperon, and the teachers wander and bounce from group to group, checking on stuff. Which means that the chaperon is in charge of four or five little ankle-biters, and only one of them is hers(his). Can you say....outnumbered? And there I was with four rambunctious ten year old kids, in a room full of ancient Egyptian artifacts: priceless relics, thousands of years old, and they all want to touch everything. Eight hands. Eight hands grabbing shit that I couldn't even imagine the cost of. Can you say...heart attack?
   And this is just one field trip. I get suckered into most. I've helped the kids plant trees, released salmon into the wild, visited zoos, just to name a few, and I can tell you horror stories about ALL OF THEM. Shovel wars, mud fights, pulling the feathers out of the peacock's tail!!! The list could go on, but regardless, all my daughter has to do is look at me with her sad, chocolate-brown puppy dog eyes, and say, "Please, Mom?" And there I am, saying that I will go. Chaperoning is a hell that many parents endure, but we all make sacrifices for our kids, and I make this one because I actually think that field trips are valuable to education; they give the kids a chance to learn something from a different angle than a school book or a lecture. Plus, going on a trip tends to make learning fun. Win/win. Except the parental hell part, but who counts that, really? Yay, parenting! 

Raising Kids

   There is a lot of judgement out there about how a person should raise kids. I say 'judgement' instead of 'opinion' because this is what I am talking about -- there are a lot of people out there who like to point fingers and tout their methods above other people's methods; basically claiming that their method is better and anyone who doesn't use this method is a sub-par parent.
   I want to be clear on one thing -- I have a lot of opinions, and I am vocal in this blog about the way I raise my daughter, but I hope I never come across as judgmental, because that has never been my intention. If you do something differently than me, I don't think you are doing things 'wrong'. I just think you are different. But God forbid that we all be different; aren't we supposed to be cookie-cutter images of each other? This can't be! We can't be different! (Cue the dramatic music here please.)
    Seems to be the prevalent opinion these days. I know that as parents, your methods have been attacked, your decisions have been second guessed, and all I am saying is that if you are anything like me, you are getting a little tired of having to defend yourself to people who are not an integral part of your life -- as if these people had business butting into your business.
    Some of the many things I have been attacked about: well as always there is the working mom bit. I have absolutely nothing against stay-at-home moms. Many of my best friends, whom I have had friendships with since childhood, are stay-at-home moms, and I have the deepest respect for them. But I can't do this. Besides the whole 'I'm the sole income' bit; I have suffered from very severe economic abuse from my ex-significant other. Try not working when at one time, you have had to beg and plead for even sanitary items. I have panic attacks when I have no income. I NEED to be able to buy my own things; I am never gonna be able to be a stay-at-home mom again; I don't think I would stay sane. But of course, other people have other reasons and other influences, other needs, and I don't look at these people with any kind of judgment; diversity is a beautiful thing. But no -- my child is NOT suffering because I work. She knows that I love and support her 100%; I volunteer at her school; I talk to her every day about her day and help with homework; we have quality time together.
   Another thing I often get attacked about is her education. Yes -- I send my daughter to a public school. A lot of people expect me to say this with shame, which I refuse to do. My daughter is doing very well in school; she in in advanced classes. Yes, there has been problems with bullying in schools; and my daughter is in self defense classes; I have taught her that she should stand up for herself and that I will always stand up for her. Last year, a girl was picking on her and she told me about the incidents. Outraged, I wanted to call the school; I wanted this to never happen again. My itchy trigger finger was on the call button of the phone, but my daughter stopped me and insisted I let her handle this. After a few days, she informed me that the girl and herself were now friends. Seems she handled bullying better than I would have.
    Furthermore, in no way am I what I would consider a good teacher. Yes, of morals and ethics and beliefs, no to text book math. I had to get help from my daughter's teacher so that I could help my daughter with her homework, an amusing experience, but one that firmly illustrated that I should not be trying to teach pre-algebra, much less the higher maths. Nor would I make a good science teacher. I take an integral role in my daughter's education, but they say it takes a village to raise a child. Public education is my way of using the village.  You may home school; I have never attacked a homeschooling mom. Again, I have friends who home school, and they often complain about they way they are attacked for their choices. Is it fair to attack me in turn, and claim that I am forcing my child to 'conform to society' and allowing her to be bullied and receive a substandard education? Not true in any case; learning to exist with people who are different than you is not conforming. I don't teach my child to change the ideals, morals, and beliefs that I have worked to instill in her; I teach her to accept that other people are different, and that she can exist with these differences and that these differences cannot change her beliefs unless she wants them to. She has proven that she can handle someone picking on her in a very mature way -- by talking it out and working through their differences -- and if she meets the person she can't handle, I will be right there. I work with her teachers as well, and know what my child is being taught, and she is not receiving anything substandard. I shouldn't have to defend my choices any more than a homeschooling or privately schooled parent should. Worry about your kid and let me worry about mine.
   And of course, the single parent. How dare I leave an abusive partner and work my ass off to make a better life for myself and my child. I am the wreck of the family, and things should be like they were back when women didn't even have the right to vote, were considered property, and there was no such thing as marital rape because women weren't allowed to say no.
  Of course that is a sweeping generalization of people who value the traditional family, and doesn't being forced into a generalization that has nothing to do with what you believe suck? I never wanted to be a single mom, but I'll be damned if I am going to raise my child in a harmful environment. I shouldn't have to defend that, and the fact that I am raising my child as a single parent should not affect your family in any way. If my being a single mom does threaten your family structure, than you have some pretty big problems, and you can stop misdirecting your anger, because regardless of what your problem is -- it's not caused by me or the choices I have made.
   So again I write another post defending my choices. But the message that I want to get across here is not really the defense of my choices, although I do feel better after that vent, but to say that we would do better as a society if we stopped being so judgmental. I have gotten along with my many diverse friends for years and years, and they have gotten along with me. So why can't we all? Why do we insist on bringing each other down, on belittling other's lives? We really have to stop judging each other. I really hope that nothing I have written comes across as anything other than defending my choices; I am not against home school or private school, nor am I against stay-at-home moms, and I am certainly not against marriage and having both parents involved in their child. But there are reasons for all of my choices, just as you have reasons for all of your choices, and I think that instead of sitting down and judging each other, we should accept that we are different and do things differently, and really, why is that so wrong? The answer is, there's nothing wrong. We make the best life choices we can, and do the best we can for our families. That is what we should focus on, not nitpicking another person's choices. 

She Keeps On Growing Up!!!

   For the twentieth time this evening alone, my daughter has walked into our living room and asked, "You remember that tomorrow is my fifth grade graduation, right?"
   Because I could forget? Every day my own eyes confirm the fact that she is not my little chubby toddler anymore. She is growing like a weed, and there is no denying this fact. But the fifth grade graduation is something that is new to me. I never had a fifth grade graduation; when did they start this? Of course, this is not the shocker that her kindergarten graduation was; that was a real shocker. Celebrate getting through kindergarten? If that is difficult, let me tell you kid, life is gonna be a rude awakening.
   Of course, kindergarten is not what it used to be. I remember kindergarten, and we used to get praised if we just managed to color in the lines. When my daughter started kindergarten she was already expected to know the entire alphabet on entrance and how to count to ten. On exit; she had learned to read and to count to 100. I was like "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???" So I guess that the graduation of kindergarten does deserve comment, because those kids learn A LOT.
    So I knew that this graduation was coming. I've been expecting it. Of course, getting the date was an accomplishment in and of itself. Doesn't the school system realize that a lot of parents have to work and need these dates in advance so that they can make arrangements at work? But we have had all of this worked out, so it's a little insulting that my daughter feels the need to remind me twenty times in one evening. I go to every school function, so it's not like she is worried because I have a habit of skipping out. I think that mostly nerves are causing this questioning. She's so excited to be a middle school student next year! And she has worked really hard to get there. Learning standards in the classroom have gone up from my own school days. I'm sure some of the work I have seen her with is because she is in the HCP class. (Highly Capable Programming, formerly called GATE, which stood for Gifted and Talented Education; why did they change the title? It's a mystery...) But I have seen her bringing home algebra, and then I'm all like !!??!! because I didn't touch algebra until I was in the 6th or 7th grade, and she started bringing it home in 3rd grade. And I know that all the classes take timed math tests. She had tests where she was supposed to answer 100
multiplication questions in 10 minutes. That is amazing to me. Sure, they are not complicated multiplication questions, but nevertheless, I couldn't do it. So I guess that these fifth graders, they deserve their graduation. Because they have already worked so hard to get where they are at, and frankly, we need to do these things if this will encourage them to stay in school. I never felt encouraged, and I was a  high school drop-out. If keeping my daughter from doing the same means that I go celebrate every single day she goes to school at all, then this is what I will do. (It's a good thing that so far, my daughter loves school, because celebrating is expensive. I would need another job.)
   So anyway, this long, rambling post is simply my way of working up to saying:

Congratulations Baby Girl!!! Mom is so proud of you!