The Thing I Want My Daughter Most To Learn

   There are a lot of things in my life that I want to do. I want to travel; I want to see the world. I want to read every book that I can get my grubby, book-greedy hands on. I want to beat this damn Final Fantasy game that I've been playing. I want to be published; I want to make a living off of writing. I want to always be able to pay my bills on time and support my family.

   All of these things are good goals as far as I am concerned. Some aren't as important as others; beating Final Fantasy is not going to make as much as an impact on my life as managing to make my living by writing, but every goal does not have to have a profound impact on the way that you live. We are allowed a few frivolous, in-the-moment achievements that mean nothing, yet make us momentarily happy and hurt no one. So long as those frivolous goals are not the only goals that we have, we are doing good. 

   And that leads me to the goal that I most want to instill on my daughter: being a good person. Being a good person can mean a lot of things, but I mean this in a way that is entirely doable. What I want for her (and myself) is to be a person that friends and family can trust. Be someone that the people that you care about can depend on. I don't mean be a saint; I know that is one label that surely I will never deserve. I have a temper, I cuss like a sailor, I'll hold a grudge until the world ends,  and I can be pushy and selfish. So certainly, I have no right to expect sainthood from anybody. But I do my best to help people, I do my best to listen, I do my best to not disrespect people just because they are different, I try to see that there is value in every person: we all have worth. I do my best to uphold the values that I think are most important in life, and I do my best to live by those values. That is what I most want my daughter to learn. 

   Because she can be the smartest scientist in the world, but if she has built her life at the expense of others, if she has built her career by stepping on the backs of others, then eventually, one day, everything she has worked for will fall to pieces and lie at her feet, a pile of rubble that means nothing. If I were the most well-read, famous, wealthiest author in the world, but along the way, had lost the trust and respect of every person who cared for me, what would I really have? Not a damn thing that matters, that's for sure.
   At the end of my life, if I'm looking back at a life that never sees a book published and contains only a blog written that no one reads, if I have been a person that people respect, someone my daughter can look up to and depend on, someone that a troubled friend can talk to about problems, if I still have the esteem and love of friends and family, then I haven't had a wasted life. The ultimate goal in life, in my opinion, is to do your best to make the world just a little bit better, even if just for the people who surround you. That's what I want my daughter to learn; that's the goal that I want most for my daughter to achieve in her lifetime, and to do that, we have to pay attention, not only to the goals that we set, but also to the way we go about achieving them - the journey, so to speak, not just the destination - and that's what I want my daughter to know, so that at the end of her life, she might leave behind a legacy not only of deeds, but of people whose lives she has made a positive impact in. That is a life well lived, and anyone can strive for that goal, from the richest of us to the poorest of us. All the goal takes is a little bit of heart: compassion and understanding. That's what I want my daughter most to learn. 

Advice To Anyone Who Feels Like They Aren't Going Anywhere

   I don't know about the rest of you, but sometimes I feel like I am stuck in time. I have goals; both short term and long term, and sometimes the gaining of the things that I am working for seems like a long, slow slog to nowheresville. I work and work and work and just seem to be treading water, not moving forward at all.
   I think at times we all may feel like this; I think this might be normal at times to become frustrated and feel like you aren't accomplishing anything. But just because you feel that way, this doesn't mean that this feeling is truth. All I know is that when I feel like this, I make myself look backwards. Not to linger in the past, not to open old wounds and remember all the old misery and make myself feel worse, but to remember how far that I have come.
   Just 10 years ago, I was still trapped in an abusive relationship. I didn't have a GED; I was living in someone else's house; I didn't even have a job that I could live off of, which was one of the factors that made leaving abuse so hard. Forward 10 years to now, my life is almost unrecognizable compared to what it was. Not only do I have a GED, but I have a freaking BA. How out of this world is that?
   I'm not done with my education either. I have put my education on hold for a while, because I have come to a place in my life where I have a job that I can manage to live off of, and I would like to be able to focus more on my daughter and my family and some of my other goals. I have been able to make time to be a part of my daughter's education, to volunteer at her school a little bit, and I have found time for some of my own more personal goals; working on my writing. New goals are made and old ones are built-upon.
   Not only this, but I now rent my own apartment. Not only do I rent my own apartment, but I need no assistance in feeding, clothing, and keeping a roof over mine and my daughter's head. That is a big difference compared to 10 years ago, when I couldn't even manage the bills in a shared household.
   My outlining this isn't just to pat myself on the back, although I have to admit that some of this has been a mood booster. My intent with this has been to outline the drastic changes that have actually already taken place in my life, to show  that 10 years of work have made a huge difference, even though sometimes  I have felt as if I have been standing still. In short, my point is this, your life may not change much from day-to-day. There may even not be much change from month-to-month, but if you keep working towards your goals, if you keep striving to make yourself better, in 10 years time, you are going to be able to look back and see the changes that you have made. You will see the improvements. Change will not be easy; let's face facts and admit that nothing is ever gained without hard work and sacrifice, but if you are willing to do that, you can make yourself better.
   I don't know where I will be in another 10 years time. I really couldn't say. A lot of things can happen, both good and bad, and I don't know what circumstance will bring my way, what bends in the road will be waiting, but I do know that in that 10 years' time, my life will not be the same: my life will change. I will keep working for things; I will keep reaching old goals and making new ones, and there will be change. So when you feel like the long slog is too long, like nothing ever happens, I urge that you take a longer view. This is your life, not some extreme dieting plan; you may not see results in a month. Your results may take a few years, but that doesn't mean that you should give up. In the words of a fish, from one of my daughter's first favorite movies ever, "Just keep swimming."