Fireworks (AKA Pyromaniacs)

   The 4th of July has always been a big holiday for me. I love this holiday; and not just because I love my country, although I do. I am (cliche coming) proud to be an American. Our country does have some issues, and there are some major clowns in the Government right now, but I can say that, post that opinion on a public blog, and face no repercussions. No people at my door, no censorship, nothing, because I have rights and can exercise my freedom of speech. And (God forbid) if I lost my job tomorrow, there are safety net programs in place that will help prevent my child and I from facing starvation and homelessness. Yes, those programs are flawed, but they are there. Many countries don't have them at all, flawed or otherwise, and in many countries, I would not have the options that I do here. So yes, I love my country, flaws and all. Flaws only mean that we have some work to do.
   But I digress, because love of my country is not the only reason that I love the 4th of July, the celebration of our country's independence. I love the 4th of July because of my dad. You see, my dad is a pyromaniac (not really, not really, jk in facebook speech), and every year while I was growing up, my dad would take us to these huge firework stands. We didn't get those prepackaged deals in the grocery stores, we went out to big tent stands, were they had every kind of firework that you could think of. We would browse the selection, and we would of course buy black cats and sparklers and bottle rockets, but we would buy the big fancy things as well. Those firework tent guys had to love seeing my dad. He spent BIG money on the 4th.
   On the actual 4th, during the day, we would set off the bottle rockets. This scared the beejeebies out of my mom, and as a mom myself now, I understand, but as a kid: we ignored her. And the reason that this scared the beejeebies out of my mom was because my dad and I; we did things that you aren't supposed to do. We would twist as many of those bottle rocket fuses together as we could, and light them and run. That was his number one rule: light them and run. And we would see how many we could twist together, and each time we managed to get all of them to go off at once, we would try for more next time. Always bigger with us. (DON'T DO THIS!!!) And then when the day wore on, we would start preparing for a huge bonfire. Every 4th we had a bonfire and we would do things like roast hot dogs and marshmallows and we would invite extended family and friends and everyone would eat and drink and wait for the dark.
   But my dad and I never waited for the dark to have fun. We were always good for a prank, and the one that stands out in my memory of our 4th of July celebrations was the time he had me sidle up to fire and throw in an entire pack of Black Cat fireworks while everyone stood there talking (DON'T EVER DO THIS!!!) Hehehehehehe; this was great and my dad and I; we were not nice.
    And when the night was finally dark enough, we would light the big ones. We had whistlers and roman candles and things that I don't even have names for, and we could do them all at our place, because my dad has five acres of land and we lived in the country before the divorce and the country doesn't have all the no firework rules that apartment complexes do. So I have really great memories from 4th of July, and for some reason (God) we never killed ourselves or blew off a hand, or killed anyone else.
   Being that I am a city-dweller now, and live in an apartment myself, we can't do fireworks ourselves. My daughter wouldn't like to actually set them off anyway; I have mentioned that she has a totally different personality from me, and pyromania is not one of the personality traits that we share. But I do make a big deal of the 4th. We do spend the time together as a family, and we go to watch the firework shows that the parks put on. She does enjoy that, and frankly, I am too much of a worry-wart, helicopter mom to let her do any of the crap that I did. Twist fuses together and light them? I don't think so: not my baby. 

What Exactly Is Wrong With Teaching Your Child Right From Wrong?

   Discipline; the way people act you would think that this word is the worst cuss word in the English vocabulary. Even worse than saying this word is acting on this word. That's a crime, apparently. Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I guess I am guilty. I know that some of you are not, but if my child misbehaves, there are going to be some consequences.
   Oh, I know all of the arguments. Self-esteem issues, development, they'll learn to behave negatively, and all I can say is this: I call bullshit. My argument is this: we are supposed to be preparing these kids for real life; the real world. We are supposed to be teaching these kids how to act in social situations, and how to succeed in life. And in life, there are consequences to actions. In the adult world, bad behavior is not ignored. In real life, not knowing how to properly interact with your contemporaries can cost you friends, relationships, and even career opportunities. Think that Little Johnny not getting his homework done is no big deal? What happens when you procrastinate on the job, and don't get a task done on time? Maybe you won't be fired, depending on exactly what the task was, but maybe you will. Certainly, when the time comes for promotion, that promotion is going to go to the person who does get the job done. That is a consequence. Think that Little Suzie picking on kids in the playground is just high spirits, just her being misunderstood? She does that at work, she's gonna get slapped with a lawsuit at best. Another consequence.
   Since all these kids are going to grow up to face all these consequences, what exactly is wrong with instilling that knowledge in them from the start? No one is talking about taking a belt and beating them bloody -- that's child abuse, and contrary to popular belief, there is a difference between child abuse and discipline. My daughter once didn't get her homework done on time, and I did find out. She was grounded for a week; no TV, no games, for a week. Because she had lied to me for a week and not done her homework. She wasn't emotionally scarred by that. She didn't doubt that I loved her. What happened was that she learned a valuable lesson about what happens when you do not do your job, and her job is school. Think that this doesn't mirror real life? If she was an adult, and she had not done her job for a week, she would have probably lost that job. Losing a job means losing income. Losing income means that you loose the privileges that you bought with that income. She learned that lesson now, as a child, when all she lost was a week's worth of TV and game playing. Small losses. And she has not done something like that since. She learned her lesson. And yes, sometimes kids need a few repeat to learn a lesson, some parents are going to have a harder time. But I have always been firm with my daughter. She knows that I will listen to her side of a story, her excuses, but if they are not reasonable, she gets punished.
   This is parenting. Parenting is hard. Parenting is not always family bonding time, or learning fun things, or hugs and kisses. Yes, those are important parts of parenting, but parenting can really suck sometimes too. Do you really think that I enjoyed that week that I took away her TV and her games? She was good about her punishment, I have to say; I was proud. She didn't whine or try to get out of it or beg for an early release. She did her time and paid her dues. But I felt like shit. I felt like the meanest damn mom in the whole world. But I want her to go into this world with a knowledge of how things are going to work. I was her to have the knowledge and experience that she needs to make good choices and get ahead. Discipline is a part of that; a large part. So next time you think that letting your kid's bad behavior slide, you might want to think again. I'm not saying crack the whip all the time, kids will be kids, but your kid also needs to learn that they are not always going to get away with behaving like demon spawn. 

You Think Being A Working Mom Is Easy? Where Did You Leave Your Brain?

    I have written about how I don't think moms should judge each other based on their stay home or working status. I think comparing difficulties in those situations is rather like comparing apples and oranges. I was a stay-at-home mom with my daughter until she was two, then worked for a year, and then quit and was a stay-at-home mom until she started kindergarten, so having been in both roles, I say that in my own experience, the stresses and problems you deal with are totally different and equally hard. I respect both, and just because I am a working mom, that does not mean that I look down on stay-at-home moms. I don't.
   That being said, I am not taking bullshit comments about how much easier being a working mom is, which is what fired up this response: someone has said it. And I am - in the most public way that I have available to me - I am calling bullshit. Being a working mom is not easy. I get to talk to people outside the home? I get more adult interaction? Fine. You know what I also get? I get to miss important milestones because I was gone, earning the money needed to keep a roof over my kid's head. I missed the last school open house because my request for time off was not granted. Know what else I miss? The assurance that my kid is being treated well. My daughter was in daycare, and she was badly mistreated by one of the workers. Having gone through that, do you think that this is ever NOT on my mind when I am not with her? Even when she is with family, whom I trust explicitly, they are not me. Do you know how hard that is? And not just for 'date night' but five days a week. I miss a lot. And when my daughter was younger, she told me that she wouldn't mind if I got fired because I would be home more. Do you think that my heart didn't break into a million pieces? So here you have just one of the hardships of being a working mom: the worry and the guilt of being out of the house so often.
   I don't have to depend on someone else for money? Well, I suffered from economical abuse, so I do understand that. Having to ask for money sucks. Not feeling like you contribute financially makes you feel small at times, so I do get that. Making money is one of the perks of working. But my money isn't extra. Some working moms work for the extra income,  but my my income is the ONLY income. If I don't work, no food, no apartment, no school clothes, and so-on and so-forth. But I don't have to ask some tightwad jerk, and I am assuming that if this is one of your arguments then you are with a tightwad jerk. I don't get this one from the women who are allowed access to the funds, some of you have good guys. So, we will say perk. The con? I've had a rotten day, people have been rude, the debit was down for two hours, someone cussed me out in English, someone else cussed me out in Spanish, someone else cussed me out in Russian, and I am exhausted, but I still have to go home and cook dinner. But the stove handle falls off the stove, so first I have to get out my handy-man tools and screw that thing back on. Again. I don't get to come home and put my feet up. My daughter has a cold, I have to make sure she gets her medicine, laundry has been waiting for me the last three days and I am getting to the point where putting that chore off is not going to be an option unless we want to run around naked, and something is clogging the toilet again, so I need to put that plumbing hat on. Days off? Those are chore days. Catch up on the house work days. Take daughter to appointment days. My motherhood duties do not get suspended because I work.
    And while I do not have to listen to all the soap opera and bonbon jokes, which is total bullshit, and I know that, I do have to listen to the 'good mother's stay home with the kids' cracks. Apparently, women like me are destroying the family structure. Because I deserve all the blame for America's divorce rate. Staying with an abusive, shiftless jerk who was sucking the life from me was the better option, how could I have not seen that? If I would have just let him finish convincing me that I was the lowest form of life on the planet, no one would ever get divorced again. Men and women wouldn't cheat on each other, no one would suffer partner abuse ever again, kids would always have two parents and neither of those parents would ever hurt them, and diamonds would fall out of all of our mouths when we spoke, and rainbows would burst from our asses when we shit. Everything would be sunshine and roses.
    I do not try to put my issues above anyone's; many of my closest friends are stay-at-home moms, and they have stress just as much as I do and they have just as many problems. I am not writing this to say that being a working mom is harder. I am not writing this to make my life seem like it sucks, because my life does not suck. I'm writing this to say that sometimes people suck, I hate judgmental assholes, and if you don't like my life fine, but ignore me, don't get in my face and try to convince me that I am taking the easy way out. If you think that, you don't know me, and you don't know the things I have been though, and you don't understand where I am trying to go. And if you are the type of person who is just going to pass judgement without an attempt at gaining some understanding and new perspective, then you are not the type of person that I want to know me. So let's just agree to leave each other alone.
   

Beat The Heat

  This has been a busy weekend for me. My daughter, for the first time, had a sleepover with someone who was not directly related to us by blood. I have volunteered with both the Mom and Dad of the little sleepover friend, so am on familiar terms with both, which makes a difference. And although I was a nervous wreck, my daughter had a blast. And I stayed at my sister's house and annoyed the ever-living shit out of her by complaining every five minutes that I missed my daughter.
   But after picking my daughter up, I wanted to do something fun. I didn't want to go home to my apartment.  The temperature outside is 85, and I know that my southern relatives are all hooting now, because that is nothing to them. But I would like to point out that all of the apartments, trailers, ect. that I lived in down South had central air. Apartments in Washington do not come with any kind of air, and most apartments have issues with you installing a window air unit because they don't look attractive, and in order to draw in new tenets, the neighborhood needs to look as attractive as possible. And my apartment holds heat very well, a boon in the winter, but a curse in the summer. Another issue is that one of my neighbors is very elderly, and has been complaining about the cold, and has been running her heat. In 80 degree weather, and her living room wall is my living room wall. So my apartment has been feeling like it's 95 degrees instead of 85, and I feel like picketing her front door. She is trying to cook us all.
   So to get back to what I was saying before, I didn't want to take my daughter from an awesome sleepover to our oven of an apartment. I needed something fun to do, something that would cool us down. So I decided to go whine to my sister. As the youngest, one of her primary duties in this life is to keep me entertained (Haha! She doesn't agree.) And she came through, because all the kids have new swimsuits, and she thought they might like to go to Steel Lake Park. Way to go Sissy!!
   I love Steel Lake Park because it's free. You can see the cheapskate coming out of me, but free is awesome. Plus, after 12 pm, they have official lifeguards on duty, so that is an extra layer of safety. So we suited the kiddos up, suited ourselves up, and piled into my sister's minivan. You swim at your own risk, because this is a lake and ducks shit in that water and little kids pee and there are all manner of strange creatures. My sister found some kind of freaky fish looking thing with six freaking legs, so who knows what is in that water, but it's free. Free is awesome!!!
    And on getting there, my sister and I proceeded to show the kiddos that they do not have the monopoly on having fun and goofing off. My sister and I spent two hours in the water with the kids, splashing each other, smashing dirt into each other's swimsuits, grabbing the other's legs and trying to pull them under water, jumping on each other's backs unexpectedly, and causing general chaos that had the parents glaring, the children staring, and the life guards keeping us under careful watch. Kids do not have a monopoly on fun when my sister and I are around; we have that monopoly. Everybody just wishes that they had as much fun as we do. What can I say? We can't all be awesome. But if you are somewhere looking for a way to beat the heat, I do suggest looking for the free activities. Because the water parks are awesome, but you don't always have the cash, and if you only want to spend a few hours somewhere in the first place, those entrance fees are a waste of money if you do have the cash. Beat the heat in ways that are free, or have a low cost, like 5 bucks. If you live in my particular area, Steel Lake Park. Free, and with life guards on duty. What's better?
   

Karate And Self Defense

   I have a funky past; this past has led me to the realization that victimizing women is really easy for some people, and women can make it easier by having low self-esteems and not fighting back. I don't say this to point fingers, or I would be pointing four back at myself; I'm guilty. But when it comes to my daughter, I don't want her to be in this position ever. I want her to have the confidence to stand up for herself.
   So I had been looking into some form of martial arts for a while, but all that was too expensive. I might laugh about my book buying sprees, and talk about buying games, but these things don't happen every payday. They don't even happen every other payday. Hell, they don't even happen every month. My budget can get pretty tight, but what happens is sometimes I work extra hours and get more money that way, or sometimes I manage to get a bill down really low. For example, I have gotten my electric bill down to $50, which I budget $100 to $150 (depending on season) for it usually, so there is an extra fifty bucks (and now you can image me patting myself on the back and giving myself a cookie. Woo-hoo!) Then this extra money becomes my splurge money and that is what I buy books and games with. So a monthly martial arts bill was not something I could afford, at the prices that many places charged.
   Except that the school started offering special karate classes that where unbelievably cheap. They offered karate and cheer classes by this certain group and the classes where really, really affordable. While all the other little girls' moms where eyeballing the cheer classes, I was eyeballing the karate/self-defense class. My daughter wanted to do cheer at first, because some of her friends were doing it, but  I couldn't afford to do both. The classes are cheap, but  I had to go in to work and make myself unavailable to work on those nights, and I didn't find it feasible to do that for both classes. And while usually I do try to listen to her wishes, I am Mom, and I wanted her in those karate classes. My sister also wanted her daughter in the karate classes, so that helped, because she could go to class with her cousin, and would have somebody she knew in the class. After that, my daughter took not doing cheer pretty well; she was still getting to do a class, and there was someone she knew in the class with her.

She is a green belt with a blue stripe.

    I figured that if she hated the class, she could stop after one semester, which aligns with the school semesters, but that she would at least have the basics, because the teacher (Sensei) of the class was teaching them things like how to break out of the hold of a person who was larger than you, and was teaching them this basic self-defense along with horse stance and ready stance and upper punch blocks. So I thought she would at least be able to get away from someone trying to grab her, and that was what  I really wanted, so if she hated it, I would let her quit after she had learned those basics. But she didn't hate karate; she loved it. I even think that now, she doesn't even remember that she ever wanted to do cheer. She works hard on her stances, and she is trying to learn her kata so that she can move on to blue belt. And she has a lot of fun surprising her friends and classmates when they find out she knows some karate. In many respects, my daughter is a total opposite from me, which means that she is a real girly-girl about some things. She is a gamer girly-girl, but still very girly and likes the color pink and likes her shirts to be glittery and colorful, all things that  I avoid like the plague. People don't look at her and think that here's a kid that knows some karate, but she does. And I am happy that she likes karate so well. I feel a tiny bit safer about her well being when  I remember that she is not so helpless. Of course, I don't ever want that tested, but I do have a small (tiny) piece-of-mind when  I remember that she knows how to defend herself.
    And I feel that this knowledge is something that is really important for all kids, not just girls, but boys as well. There are so many people out there, evil-minded people, who don't seem to think twice about hurting a child. I feel that we really have to give them the tools that they need to defend themselves, whether those tools are karate, or boxing, or whatever. Maybe you think that is overboard, but I've seen enough to know that it's not. Hell, all you have to do is turn on the news and pay attention. So my daughter is going to be given every tool that I can give her to survive in this world, and one of those tools is knowing how to get the hell away from an assailant.